


I'll Be Good

by ThisClassIsRiddikulus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sad Draco Malfoy, Suicide Attempt, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisClassIsRiddikulus/pseuds/ThisClassIsRiddikulus
Summary: Harry had never been good with words… maybe that’s why he did what he did next. Because suddenly he couldn’t see any way to stop Malfoy from jumping.Based on the song "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 162
Collections: Song Based Collections, Song Based FanFiction





	I'll Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the song "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young, which I think applies to Draco perfectly, and I recommend you listen to it before reading.
> 
> Also, this fic contains possible triggers so please read the tags.
> 
> Enjoy :)

_My past has tasted bitter for years now, so I wield an iron fist._

_Grace is just weakness, or so I've been told._

_I've been cold, I've been merciless,_

_But the blood on my hands scares me to death_

_Maybe I'm waking up today._

Draco was gripping the railing so tight his hands were starting to numb. This spot. The exact spot Albus Dumbledore had stood when Draco had attempted to kill him. Attempted to _murder_ him. The sound of Bellatrix breathing over his shoulder and her breathy cackle still rang in his ears sometimes. This exact spot frequented his nightmares, which now happened so often that he had to cast a silencing charm on himself each night for fear that his screams would wake up the other eighth years in the rooms neighbouring his. Screams weren’t uncommon in the night these days, many of the people returning to Hogwarts had witnessed horrors beyond what any person should have to see, let alone eighteen-year-olds. However, he doubted it would be appreciated to hear the screams of a Malfoy. 

Many at Hogwarts were of the opinion that he should be rotting in a cell in Azkaban rather than being allowed to return to school, and it was largely down to the testimony of Harry Potter that he wasn’t. He’d stood firm and argued that Draco would never have killed Dumbledore, that he was lowering his wand, and that when Potter had been captured in Malfoy manor, Draco had not given away his true identity. This on top of the fact that Draco was still a child for much of his participation with the Death Eaters had been enough to convince a jury at the ministry that Draco was not guilty of any crime worthy of Azkaban and he and his mother had been allowed to walk free.

Draco’s father wasn’t so lucky. He’d been sentenced to life in Azkaban and he expected that the other students thought he was devastated over this, which honestly couldn’t be further from the truth. He resented his father even more than he resented himself. He was a man who had made it clear that love was something to be earned, and Draco had never quite figured out how to earn it. Draco found that he blamed his father for many of the things he had been forced to do during the war. Of course, there was enough loathing to go around and Draco had come to be deeply ashamed of his actions. Whether he’d had a choice was not the point to him, he’d been responsible in part for the bloodshed that had occurred in the castle that he thought of as home and that was something he was sure he would never forgive himself for.

He wasn’t sure when his feet had taken him to the other side of the barrier, just that his toes were now dangerously close to hanging over the edge of the tower.

  
  


***

When Harry had first returned to Hogwarts, he had been entirely unprepared for the marks of war that the castle still bore. Each scorch mark on the floor and crack in the wall was a harsh reminder of the people who had lost their lives in the castle and at first, Harry wasn’t sure he was going to be able to stick it out for the full year. Over time, however, the scuffle of school life covered up those markers and when the great hall was full of students again it was almost possible to pretend the war had occurred in some faraway place, not the castle once more full of life. _Almost._

The other surprising thing to Harry was the sheer number of students that had decided to return to Hogwarts and become the schools first-ever Eighth Years. Among them were many people who had fought in the centre of the battle, who had witnessed their friends die in the castle, and whom Harry wouldn’t have blamed if they’d run as far from Hogwarts as possible and never looked back. But that wasn’t the case, in fact, there seemed to be some unspoken determination amongst the eighth years. A determination that with everything Voldemort had taken from them, he couldn’t take their home as well. Not anymore.

Of course, that didn’t mean everything was back to normal. It was fairly common to find the eighth year common room in silence, a sombre atmosphere having taken over when somebody talked about all that they had lost. Harry was also glad that the eighth years didn’t share dormitories anymore and rather got their own small rooms, he still regularly woke up sweaty and breathing heavy, expecting his scar to start burning. It was nights like these that he’d taken to wandering the castle under his father’s invisibility cloak.

  
  


***

Draco was in the eighth year common room the first time it happened. He was sitting by the fireplace reading when a misplaced hex, most likely aimed at him, had hit the flames. It caused a small explosion and the flames leapt out of the fireplace towards him. After a moment of stunned silence, the rest of the common room had begun to laugh. Draco wanted to join them, but with the heat of the flame and the smell of burning… suddenly Draco was back in the room of requirement surrounded by feindfyre, knowing he was going to die. Breathing became difficult and he was certain someone must be sitting on his chest, except they couldn’t be because he was on his feet and walking. He had no idea where he was going, all he could see and hear and smell was the flames surrounding him. The sound of Crabbe’s screams as he’d fallen to his death. The panicked sobbing of Goyle beside him. He’d barely made it to the hospital wing before he collapsed on the floor.

Since then he’d avoided the common room entirely, too many people staring and whispering and worse, not bothering to whisper. It was no secret that Draco was not welcome back at Hogwarts, but he’d made the decision to come back and, ever a Malfoy, was far too stubborn to show that their words got to him. 

_“It should have been you.”_

Those were the words spat at him by a sobbing Parvati as he stepped through the portrait hole. She was clutching a picture of her and Lavender Brown from what Draco thought must have been from second or third year and her face was red and splotchy. Draco stopped dead in his tracks. She was pointing at him accusingly and suddenly the whole room had gone silent to watch.

Draco didn’t wait to respond, he turned on his heels and found himself walking towards the astronomy tower, head spinning. She was right, Draco had deserved to die that night. He’d done unspeakable things… he found himself disgusted that he was even able to come back to Hogwarts. He had no right to call this place his home, not anymore.

***

Harry was huddled under his invisibility cloak, his hair was messy from sleep and his eyes still bleary as he’d forgotten to grab his glasses in his haste for fresh air. He quickly cast a summoning charm and stuck his hand out to grab them as they whizzed towards him.

He continued to walk, but as he was passing a spiral staircase he stopped dead. Why was there a draught coming from them? All that was up there was the astronomy tower, but that door was kept closed and locked at all times. Was someone up there? He knew he should leave them be, but he was wearing his cloak so they would never know… and curiosity was getting the better of him. Whoever was up there would need to know some fairly advanced magic just to bypass the charms locking the door, since the war there was genuine concern about letting students up there.

Harry walked as quietly as he could and sure enough, the door was open and beyond the railings, he could see, 

“Malfoy?!”

Malfoy jumped, almost losing his balance and gripping the railings tight. “What? Who’s there?!”

Harry quickly remembered his invisible state and pulled the cloak off. “Malfoy what are you- have you been crying?”

“Of course its goddamn saviour Potter.” Malfoy spat with venom and closed his eyes, “Leave me alone. This isn’t any of your concern.” 

Harry took the sight in, Draco was on the wrong side of the barrier, his eyes red-rimmed from crying and his sleeves rolled up to reveal his dark mark. Draco was constantly careful to wear long sleeves and with the mark on full show, Harry could see the scratches and scabs still healing around it, as though Draco had attempted to claw it off with his bare hands. 

“Malfoy… Draco… just step over the railings. You’re right, this isn’t my business but please… you’ll fall.”

“What would you care? You’d probably think I deserved it.” Draco’s eyes were wide and scared, his face full of self-loathing. Harry couldn’t help but be startled by the immense difference to the cold, indifferent boy he’d come to know. Even after the war when Malfoy had mostly kept to himself, he’d had an air of cool indifference about him. It occurred to Harry now that it was most likely an armour… maybe always had been.

Harry took a tentative step forwards, holding out his hand towards Draco and pocketing his wand to make clear he meant no harm. “Of course I would care. You don’t deserve to die, Draco.”

“Cut out the bullshit, Potter! You spoke at my trial, you played the hero, you can leave it now. You’ve done your bit.”

Draco was trembling and, whilst making no move towards his own wand, was eyeing Harry’s cautiously. Harry moved his hands into the air and carefully placed his wand and the cloak on the ground. “Draco, do you have any idea why I spoke at your trial?”

“I don’t know! Because you’re Harry fucking Potter? You’re so fucking loyal you probably thought you owed me something for what I did at the manor, which you don’t by the way-

Harry chuckled humourlessly, mainly to conceal the panic he was starting to feel. What if Malfoy really did jump? He was clearly in a pretty bad state. “So you did recognise me.” 

“That’s not the point, Potter. I was a death eater. You don’t owe me anything.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I don’t think you deserved Azkaban. You’re arrogant and cocky and you were such a fucking wanker to me for the past seven years-”

“Is this going somewhere, Potter?

“And you always have to have the last word,” Harry said pointedly, “but Draco Malfoy, you’re no Death Eater.”

Draco’s eyes narrowed and he held up his tensed arm. “The mark that refuses to come off my skin says different.”

Harry didn’t flinch at the sight of the mark, in fact, he was surprised to find the only reaction he felt was sadness. Draco’s perfect marble skin was now marked with scratches and scabs and now that Harry was closer he could see what was undeniably the unhealed scars of some kind of blade. Malfoy had clearly tried anything he could to deface the mark, but it stood bold as ever against his pale skin. The ministry had said there was likely to never be a way to remove the marks, but Harry suspected that they weren’t really trying. There was still the underlying fear, the need to identify the traitors and ostracise them.

“That mark doesn’t make you evil. It’s actions that make you evil Malfoy, its intentions.”

“Maybe you missed the part where I walked over to the Dark Lord instead of standing with my classmates. Or the part where I let literal death eaters into Hogwarts?” Draco’s eyes went dark at the memory and he glanced down to the courtyard below. Harry felt a spike of panic. 

“You saved me! At the manor!”

Harry had never been good with words, especially not when he was panicking and he knew it was poor reasoning even as he said it. Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he cared so much. Malfoy _was_ partly responsible for the deaths that had taken place. Surely Harry should want him dead? But all Harry found was pity. Everything had come out in the trials, the near abuse Draco had faced at the hands of his father, the desperate need to live up to his families expectations. When Harry looked at Draco he didn’t see a war criminal, he saw a scared child.

“Draco, you were just a kid.” He said, hand still outstretched, voice pleading. 

Malfoy glanced down at the ground again and tentatively let go of the railing. His face was resigned and suddenly Harry knew exactly what Draco was about to do.

Harry had never been good with words… maybe that’s why he did what he did next. Because suddenly he couldn’t see any way to stop Malfoy from jumping and he was panicking and his feet were propelling him forward and suddenly… his lips were on Malfoy’s. His hands were tangled in Malfoy’s shirt and he gripped it tightly as he guided him back onto the right side of the railing. He could feel Draco’s pounding heart beneath his hand and all he felt was relief that Malfoy was away from the edge.

***

_Holy shit._

Harry Potter was kissing him.

Was it a good kiss? Draco wasn’t sure. He only had one to compare it to and he wasn’t sure kissing Pansy in 5th year really counted since he was bent and all…

_Merlin._

Harry Potter was kissing him to stop him from committing suicide. 

What did that mean? Did Harry really care whether he lived that much? Draco was distantly aware of the tears on his cheeks and the pounding in his head but all of that was being pushed aside by the fact that he was kissing Harry fucking Potter. 

His father would have been seething at the thought. Draco found that made him very happy indeed. He let his forehead rest against Potter’s and they just stood there, breathing heavily against each other’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is the first fic I've written for this fandom in a very long time and it felt like coming home to write these characters again. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated if you enjoyed and you can follow my Instagram where I post fic recs and other Drarry content @ThisClasslsRiddikulus (the i in 'is' is an L) :)


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